7/01/2012

Sad

Today has been an emotional day. I feel sad I can't eat or just sad and want to eat. Either way I can't smother my sadness with calorie and fat ladened food to try and smother my feelings. So I have to face it head on with my emotions raw and unsheltered I have to learn to deal without food or alcohol since neither are a part of my life any longer. Food in the form of what I used to go too I mean. I can eat food in tiny amounts and get my nutrients from supplements and shakes and try to get new nutritious foods in slowly. I know one day my intake amount will get a little bit bigger but not by much. I don't have regrets and I am proud of the changes and progress I've made. I'm proud of myself. But I am human and I do feel. The feelings I am having are sadness and loneliness and maybe even boredom. I need to find something to fill that void. Excercise has been a great filler however lately the heat outside has held me back. I am looking for a job to help fill the time and pocketbook. I have also been having a fibro flare which has been depressing me because I was doing so well and was pain free for almost 2 months. Bad days and even weeks will come as the good ones do. I just have to learn to deal with them in a healthy way. I don't want another day like this one. I so need a hug.

4 comments:

Christina Bevis said...

Hugs!!! Love you. Chin up, buttercup. You're doing great!

Anonymous said...

i too took something out of my life that i used to go to on good days, bad days, to numb, to avoid, to fill many many VOIDS. Sometimes i knew i was doing it, other times i didn't, and sometimes i went to it with open arms......and most days i regretted it later...and all in all i achieved all of the above, even just on the short term, until once again i went to it again.
For me i turned alcohol into something i eventually had no choice but to either continue and ruin my life or stop. Like you i chose to save myself and change my life. Like you i pushed that change until i backed myself into a corner. And like you i was the only one that could and would change this for me. AND like you I DID IT!!!!-----What i reminded myself was that it wasn't ALL my own fault but also my environment, my disappearence of coping skills, my lack of care for myself, and everyone around me.....Not only did i have to change but i had to help, push, remind, and make all those things change too.
Shortly after i removed my GO TO FIX, it was like i had to RE-Learn how to interact with my own life.
----Remind your self that you are perhaps in the beginning stages of re-inventing yourself and be patient.....be sad and rejoice at the same time....
i love you....thank you for saving yourself....

LeannaC said...

We are all allowed to have days like this. Hope it passes soon and that you realize you are loved and have tons of support.

leeleesully said...

Thank you for all your support and love. It means so much. Love y'all. Leslie